Actually, yes, yes they are. Men are allowed to be frustrated and angry and upset. Men are allowed to be happy and excited. Men are allowed to be silly and fun and joke around. Men are allowed to be childish and insensitive.
The difference is, though, that when men are frustrated or angry or upset by something, whatever comes out of their mouths is treated as “logic” because men are taught their negative emotions are always reasonable.
Women are taught the opposite and are told we are “too emotional” when we are exasperated or indignant or upset or angry or sad or any emotion that is inconvenient for men to recognize.
Women are taught that it is up to us to perform emotional labor for men, that their negative emotional states are always our fault and we must heal them and coddle them and reaffirm the importance of their struggles, even when they derail conversations about us to make it about themselves. The whole reason men even think to derail discussions about women’s oppression to be about them is because they feel they can reasonably expect women to change the topic of conversation from our own issues to theirs. Men feel entitled to the emotional labor of women.
Conversely, men don’t want to perform emotional labor for women. They don’t even want to do the bare minimum of empathizing and sympathizing with us. So we get written off as “overly emotional” because what they really mean to say is “I don’t want to spend emotional energy empathizing with you.” even though they expect women to do the same for themselves.
This is because they consider their own feelings to be rational and logical and expected, while women are expected to be meek and accommodating to them.
“He’s beating her????? Jesus Christ, that’s awful!!!” “Oh wait, it’s during sex? Well, that’s none of my business then. Kink shaming is gross”
“This woman gets regularly abused and raped???? Whoever’s doing that to her should go to jail” “It’s for porn movies? Oh, so it’s all good then. Freedom of speech and all :)”
People sometimes like to tell radfems “your objection to porn is the same as the religious right’s!”
Well, we’re both opposed to porn. A religious, conservative woman? She and I might be on the same page about why it’s harmful, in some respects, but they tend to get really shitty towards the people who have to do it to survive, so that alliance wouldn’t last long. Longer than it would with conservative men, though.
But conservative men? No. They use porn just like their liberal counterparts. They watch it, own it, make it. They just oppose it for the brownie points, as a convenient scare tactic. And besides that, look at the arguments they often use. “It drives men to sin” is a big one. This isn’t about the women who are being raped and abused and addicted in porn. It’s about how it supposedly makes it harder for THEM to hold to their ideals, for men to be good.
Because men’s morality means more than women’s lives to them, and always have. For liberal men, they are more honest about their boners being more important to them than women’s lives.
Conservatives think women should belong to one man. Liberals think they should belong to all men. Radicals believe that women belong to themselves are not to be traded, sold, rented, prostituted, raped, owned, stifled, or oppressed. And for that, they are called dangerous radicals and boring prudish killjoys in the same sentence.
So yes. I am the mean kind of feminist who wants you to stop watching porn.
Liberal men have the madonna/whore complex just like conservative men. It’s just that liberal men pretend to be supportive of women when they are only supportive of women in ways that benefit them.
i’d like to also add on the conservative/religious women thing
from my experience living in a conservative/ religious society, most women object to porn is because they can be and they aren’t pressured/brainwashed into liking it
they see it for what it is, dehumanising and misogynistic
some might think that the women in porn choose to be there but i’ve found no problem convincing them otherwise
and yeah, religious men watch the most porn and are misogynist shits, just like you and your fav liberal male “feminist”
me reading abt a romantic situation involving two straight people: ok
me reading abt the exact same situation except it’s two girls: HO !!LY SHIT IM ON FIRE!!!!!!! IM BURNING!!!!!!! IM SELF-IMMOLATING!!!!!!!!!!!! HOL YFUCK!!!!!!!!! MAKE A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yall get so defensive over makeup. I’ve gotten more anger directed at me over my makeup-critical posts than I have over any other posts. like why do you need so badly to believe that your powder foundation was crafted for you out of unique feminist-choice magic instead of an industry that has you pay them to feel ugly. it’s okay to admit they fooled you into thinking it was Your Special Uninfluenced Choice™, we’ve all had to come to terms with that
When white teachers call colonizers “explorers” to make them seem like brave people with an adventurous curiosity instead of genocidal, european supremacist bastards who wanted to exchange blood for money.
When white teachers explain mixed race children saying colonizers “fell in love” with native women to make them seem loving men instad of rapists and murderers.
